“From God or Satan? Angel, Mermaid, Proserpine?
What matter if thou makest — blithe, voluptuous sprite —
With rhythms, perfumes, visions — O mine only queen! —
The universe less hideous and the hours less trite.”
— “The Flowers of Evil”, Charles Baudelaire. Translated by Cyril Scott (London: Elkin Mathews, 1909)
”De Satan ou de Dieu, qu'importe? Ange ou Sirène,
Qu'importe, si tu rends, — fée aux yeux de velours,
Rythme, parfum, lueur, ô mon unique reine! —
L'univers moins hideux et les instants moins lourds?”
I can recall when a man once asked me: “How do you do that?”, looking at me as if I were a magician. “Do what?”, I asked, and he said: “It is like you switch something on and the energy of the entire room and place moves towards you and you become its star.” I refused to explain why and how, and responded with a simple: “It is simply me.” Of course, it is simply me and it isn’t always consciously done, but there is a state of consciousness that is behind it and that I am aware of and which I shall share today.
But before I give the explanation and guidance on how to cultivate this art, allow me to demonstrate what contributes to it from an outsider’s perspective and how the outsider perceives it. To get a description of this, I’ve asked my husband to describe for me what is it that creates the effect of the inexplicable and mysterious “THAT” in my personal case — what I am to state below are his own words. A general, foundational pattern can be found even if it is a particular and individual case.
When it comes to appearance, he said what creates it, is the contradiction between my “pristine, porcelain-doll like” look, an aura that makes me appear untouchable, “something you want to place in a museum and not touch”, and very strong sensuality and earthiness that makes one want to come near, touch and “be absorbed in it.” The demeanour of “not giving attention to anything that doesn’t give it to me”, a completely self-absorbed state of consciousness that demands pleasure and her standards being met from every interaction. He also pointed out, that the command of social situations and the art of conversation play a big part in it — quick wit, knowing how to peak people’s interests, how to make them comfortable and allow them to express themselves, knowing how to invite them outside of themselves and their “default” ways of being, knowing how to “dance”, yielding to their pace or their rhythm at times and then redirecting it towards mine. There is a quality of knowing “how to invite and then also how to assault” — he described it like listening to a soft string quartet and then suddenly violent drums announce themselves. The voice, he said, also contributes to it — it is at the same time “coy and hesitant and playful and frank”, and in a way “secretive”, with a “lot of musicality to it”, leaving a lot implied in the intonation rather than making an explicit expression. Everything about the way I carry myself, he says, speaks “satisfy me, look at me, figure me out even though I know that you can’t. A kiss in the corner of the mouth instead of the lip itself, while the fire in the eye and the limbs is evident.”
Among all that is said, I think it is easy to notice the fundamental pattern; a large part that creates the magnetic effect is the contradiction — cold, distant ethereality combined with warm, approachable sensuality, openness and curiosity with veiling and elusiveness, expressing passion and desire for pleasure and yet having a self-control so firm that one can refuse a kiss one so deeply desires. This is what creates the magnetic effect on those around you and their desire to direct their eyes towards you and interact with you. That is the external aspect.
The internal aspect is in the art of cultivating our own inner light, that is, our inner gravitational centre. When such, what cannot be present is any fear of the eyes of others and of being “perceived” (a common sentiment one may find in women’s blogs: “I don’t want to be perceived/seen/recognised/take space.”). You must be willing and actively desiring to take up space and to take up so much space that everyone else becomes either a shadow or a satellite. And while one doesn’t fear being perceived, a part of gravity is also in not caring how one is perceived and carrying within one’s demeanour an air of self-absorption, of always asking: “How does the situation/person/food/place/etc make me feel?”and focusing always, and without exception on enjoying yourself while also having magnanimity in approach towards others, not fearing giving them pleasure and enjoyment too. Even if it is an argument or a conflict, the ease and ability to extract pleasure from the “battle” is what transforms the “battle” into a “dance”.
Ability to extract pleasure from any situation, to access the “juice” of everything is what makes it appear like magic and witchcraft. But it isn’t magic or witchcraft, it comes from a deep, internal, realisation (on the level of Being and not merely the mind) that this reality, indeed is a Divine Comedy, so why not have a laugh at the fool screaming obscenities at you, waiting for him to finish and responding with a simple: “How do you feel?” while offering a teasing smile.
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