Sexual Power

Sexuality, Sovereignty, Power & Male Attention.

By Alexandre Dupouy

The last week’s article, “How to Enjoy Men” received abundant attention and love — it seems that in spite of our “decentre men” attitudes (that we often find in content aimed for women), we still want to find our way to the other sex. Today’s article shall an expansion on the topic, but today we are placing it also in the context of sex — particularly, a woman’s cultivation of her sexuality and sexual power and how it relates to male sexuality.

I often get inquiries and questions from women on how to balance sex appeal and sexuality without being reduced to it. What they seem to desire and aim for in those questions is how to cultivate sex appeal and be “sexy” without compromising the depths. We tend to view separations between being sexually alluring and for example, emotionally deep or intellectually vibrant. But whenever you move into any “archetype”, you simplify yourself in order to be easier to digest (to both yourself and others).

Not too long ago we had something we called “sex symbol” — a sex symbol was usually a woman who for much of the collective embodied the sexuality & sex as a principle. In our era, such term may be considered derogatory and objectifying. While we can understand such perspectives, it is worth to consider another:

Pam Grier

Samantha Fox

While I was growing up, I would notice men decorating their daily realities with the posters of sex symbols. I saw it in their offices, gyms, garages, magazines, in their vehicles, simply everywhere. I was not offended or upset about it, rather, I found it curious, wondering what is it about. Why did these men—working in offices, lifting weights in gyms, driving long-haul routes, commanding vessels at sea—seem to need an icon of the goddess in their vicinity? These were male-dominated, testosterone-filled domains where you would expect pure masculinity to reign, yet even there, images of the female form were omnipresent. The sight of the nude female body seemed to be both soothing and arousing. This stood in stark contrast to female-only spaces, in which typically, any “maleness” was not only not present but was actively undesirable — a young boy can enter a women's hammam only because he's considered an extension of the women, not yet truly male.

We are conditioned to view any woman who receives male desire as automatically victimised by it. Yet it is impossible to have this assumption without also assuming that penis is more powerful than vagina. This worldview grants him ownership of all power, all knowledge, all access, while she remains perpetually dispossessed.

My experiences led me to a radically different understanding: a man's need for woman —for the goddess herself— is so profound that he actually holds no power at all. All power belongs to her, and he possesses only what she chooses to grant or withhold. Man has physical strength, but even this “muscle power” is what she wants and desires, making her victimisation impossible. A man can, because of his agitation or hatred, approach a woman with violence. But this very aggression betrays the grip she has over him. A woman is physically smaller and weaker, hence traditionally called the “weaker sex” yet what is truly stronger should never feel threatened by what is objectively weaker. A child cannot threaten me regardless of its actions. But a woman is not child nor is she innocent, and she is certainly far from harmless; men intuitively grasp this truth more readily than women do. The very force that can annihilate his entire identity is precisely what draws him to her.

Ultimately, why grant the male gaze—or whatever you choose to call it—such dominion over your identity? Why does he have the power to defile you or to sanctify you? Why do you surrender all power to him? A woman who is truly centered within herself possesses an interiority that cannot be corrupted — you cannot pollute Earth or Water because their very nature is to devour and transform impurity. And also the opposite — you feel so depleted and weak that any time a man enjoys something about you, you feel like something has been taken away from you. It is the “a man liked my hair so I cut it off” mindset. You may think you defied him or some patriarchal beauty norm but in fact you allowed him to affect you, define you, to become your puppeteer, your unwitting god. Why does the fact that he may enjoy your body or beauty and be nourished by it offend you so much? What do you lose? Why does his nourishment from his experience of you offend you so deeply? What exactly are you losing? Is he stealing from you against your will, or did you enter this shared space voluntarily, perhaps even hoping to offer mutual nourishment? Were you operating as an energy vampire yourself, seeking to feed while resenting any pleasure you might accidentally provide?

Sexuality approached through the lens of pessimism and defensiveness produces not fruit of beauty and satisfaction. What emerges instead is disappointment and an accumulation of rigid rules — more conditions, more restrictions, more impossible standards to inflict upon whoever comes next.

As usual, Volupta will give you methods and techniques to cultivate inner strength, stability and vitality that will allow you to feel powerful in your sexuality, enjoy it and also enjoy a man’s sexuality.

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1. Develop a Stable Root - Being easily agitated by external projections reveals, at its core, a fundamental lack of rootedness. You become like a shallow pool — disturbed by the slightest ripple, reactive to every passing wind. True stability develops when you begin turning experiences inward rather than projecting it outward. Ask yourself: “Why do I feel compelled to leak my emotions everywhere?”,“Why does my composure dissolve so quickly?”, “Why do I find myself frantically typing responses under strangers' posts, trying to control their thoughts or opinions without even pausing to examine my own reaction?” This inward turn leads naturally to deeper, existential questions: “Who am I beneath these reactions?”, “What do I value?”, “What principles do I choose to embody?”. When you develop this kind of internal foundation, even your sexuality becomes an authentic expression of your core rather than a mere response to external circumstances.