“When Matho arrived the moon was rising behind her. But she had a yellow veil with black flowers over her face, and so many draperies about her person, that it was impossible to make any guess about her. From the top of the terrace he gazed upon this vague form standing up like a phantom in the penumbrae of the evening. […] Matho did not hear; he was gazing at her, and in his eyes her garments were blended with her body. The clouding of the stuffs, like the splendour of her skin, was something special and belonging to her alone. Her eyes and her diamonds sparkled; the polish of her nails continued the delicacy of the stones which loaded her fingers; the two clasps of her tunic raised her breasts somewhat and brought them closer together, and he in thought lost himself in the narrow interval between them whence there fell a thread holding a plate of emeralds which could be seen lower down beneath the violet gauze. She had as earrings two little sapphire scales, each supporting a hollow pearl filled with liquid scent. A little drop would fall every moment through the holes in the pearl and moisten her naked shoulder. Matho watched it fall. He was carried away by ungovernable curiosity; and, like a child laying his hand upon a strange fruit, he tremblingly and lightly touched the top of her chest with the tip of his finger: the flesh, which was somewhat cold, yielded with an elastic resistance.”
- “Salammbo”, Gustave Flaubert
The Veil of Tanit, the veil of Isis, the seven veils of Salome — the dazzling veils of goddesses or their priestesses fill the pages of our poetry, drama, novels and cinema. One of the most common stage performances has to be the removing of a cloak or a robe — although this is a modern-day example, the magical effect of unveiling finds its roots in our most ancient stories.
It may appear strange, unusual or perhaps counterintuitive to our minds that something that is supposed to conceal and hide, can also, at the same time, carry so much allure and inspire so much desire and curiosity.
We all know the cliche statements like: “Leave something to the imagination” or “It is more alluring if you do not share or show everything.”, and while true, very rarely is there any understanding, let alone an explanation on what does this mean or imply. Very often, what is implied is simply a suggestion to wear a little more clothes. But that itself doesn’t create the effect of allure. Nor the desire in another for unveiling. And that is because, such statements are often too deeply rooted in a feeling of shame. They also often carry suggestions of hiding or of modesty, which by nature seek to cool down the other (in particular a man) and not really entice him or inspire him to move with a desire to disrobe or unveil. Very often, such advice is followed by statements of: “You do not want him to see you only for your body.”, as if you and your body were some two separate entities. If a man is blinded by the body’s voluptuous aggression to the point that he cannot see a woman fully but rather only sees his own internal disturbance in response to a woman, then it is he who has failed to maintain his own aspect of reality and is defeated. The one who desires to unveil will not be blinded by it, but rather inspired, his eyes will open — he will want to move deeper.
But beyond the physical aspect, the concept of veiling, of hiding, of secrets goes beyond the physical. It translates to the emotional, communicative, spiritual and even personal.
Many women who reach out to me speak of their love for the secrets — secret rituals, secret beauty practices, secret perfume, secret lovers, secret letters — yet also feel guilty to pursue such because our current cultural ethos values “transparency” and “openness”. Nowadays, if you do not want to share your favourite perfume combination, the girls may call you “not a girl’s girl”, or you may be labelled the horrendous title of the “pick me.” But people who demand such from you, and this includes women, simply want to vampirise you in some way. They feel entitled to your fruit, yet never want to tend to their own roots. They never ask about how to find their perfume but simply want to “steal” yours. In fact, every woman’s femininity is a secret — it cannot be replicated or copied from another, you cannot be “coached” into it by adopting a certain set of behaviours or aesthetics. It is an outcome, the blossoming of the flower that you tend to years after years. Nobody who experiences only the external version of you can come to know that flower. Very often, the scent of her flower is a secret to a woman herself — hence her call for a lover, for the one who unveils, so that she may come to feel it and know it.
Today, I shall share some ways and wisdom on how to cultivate the Secret in your life — not as a way not to be seen, but as an invitation to be seen fully.
The Hiding Isn’t Hidden - Others have to know that you are hiding. The secret becomes alluring when it is known that there is a secret — that is what inspires the pursuit of discovery. Nobody knows what the secret itself is, or what it is that it hides, but they do know that something is hidden. A hidden treasure? A hidden land? A hidden piece of puzzle? To use secret as a tool of allure, isn’t to be meek or modest, but rather audacious with telling and showing that you hide. Telling loudly and openly that there are things that you do not want to show or reveal to most. Or perhaps anyone. You revel in it and you take pleasure in your secret. Everyone must know that you hide something, but what they cannot know is your secret’s content or its essence.
Secret Isn’t Cold - As previously stated, keeping a secret and hiding should not be the same as coldness, frigidity or lack of interest. It doesn’t mean death, shame or fear. Actually, warmth and openness are an excellent veil — there are so many things you can talk about, so many experiences that you can share, so many anecdotes, and yet, you leave them not knowing anything substantial, anything about you as you. The openness creates an illusion of knowledge, while most people with whom you share such, if asked, what it is that can make you happy, couldn’t know to answer. You dance with your seven veils like Salome, enjoy the rapture of creating stories and moods, of moving feelings, and still you keep your Secret away from any sights.
Have a Secret Pleasure. A Secret Personal Life - Not everything has to be shared or even known to others. Develop those practices, those little moments that you enjoy and that you enjoy only alone. Maybe it is a beautiful gelato after work that you get for yourself and enjoy on a bench in some nice park on a summer evening. Maybe it is a little walk you take and buy yourself something nice and indulgent — a new lipstick, a top or a bracelet. Maybe it is a trip to a library where you get to explore a topic that you normally do not share that you are passionate about, or make public in any way — an era of history, an artist, a poet. Maybe it is a corner in nature that you come to rest and simply be alone in. Whatever it is, allow it to be your pleasure and do not share it with anyone. And when you come back — to your family, your friends, your lover, you will be able to come back as a free being, as the one who returns because she chooses too. No neediness, no clinginess, no fear — simply freedom, openness and love.
Secret As Intimacy - Intimacy needs secrets. Not in their form of hiding, but in their form of subtle revealing. To create an intimacy and a sense of closeness, is simply to share with someone that which you do not share with others. From the outwards, the bond moves inwards, which is what the secret attempts to achieve — to invite inside, and finally to move away the relationship from the public domain, where it belongs to the society, and bring into the private domain, where it belongs only to you two. The Night & her veils belong to the lovers.
Thank you so much for reading. Until next Friday,
Volupta.
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